Seasons (of life?)

Here I sit, snug and warm – I sought reprieve from the icy “spring” wind and drizzle here in my new hometown at an italian cafe nearby.  It is supposed to be warm and sunny tomorrow, but from where I sit, I can’t really see how.
I am used to dramatic weather after growing up in Oklahoma – however, after the devastating twister that took out the town of Moore and left the town, and many people, flattened – I am thankful for just a bit of chill!
My husband’s home town is Hong Kong, and even they had absurd weather this week – 1,500 lightning strikes in 3 hours!
This has me thinking about seasons in life.
The scriptures about time and season’s in life come to mind – but not so clearly as to offer up exact quotes and reference numbers.  When Christ speaks about those who plant, and those who harvest – I don’t think he was likely lining out the idea that some people only plant, and other’s only harvest – but I would expect that there are times in life when you are mostly “planting” and others where is seems the fruit is just plopping off the trees and right into your basket as you wander along the grove of life.
I am letting these ideas simmer around in my mind as I wonder what season my life is currently in.
There are certainly days when I feel deeply guilty that I am not accomplishing more, or “doing enough”, and other days when I have achieved nothing, and didn’t get out of my pj’s until after 4pm and I find that I can’t drum up any shame.  There are also beautiful days of fruitful productivity – often accompanied by some social time.
I have this idea that if I were able to label this season, perhaps I could let go and relax in my life and this time better – but even as I type that, I can see how I am trying to hard in my not trying!
However, I will try anyway  – perhaps foolish, but let’s see how it goes.
In keeping with the farming seasons metaphor – it would seem the best fit to me to label this time as a winter.  The last crop has been harvested, sold or preserved to last until the next season, and the ground is not yet ready to be tilled and plowed and seeded yet.  The fields lie fallow.
Now I stopped to look up “fallow” to be sure I was using it correctly – and discovered that I had – AND that it rings more true than I first expected. I love it when that happens!
I may need to completely re-write this whole thing.  I am really excited!

“Farmers let fields lie fallow because it is one of the best ways to allow the land to replenish its nutrients and regain its fertility without resorting  to the application of fertilizers.  It also helps prevent erosion as the roots of the plants left to grow on the land help to hold the soil in place against the ravages of wind and rain.” (Ken Chitwood, thelatticegroup.org)

This. This is what is happening in my life.  My life is lying fallow.  I feel nutrients being stored up in my soul, and my roots spreading deeper and stronger – reaching through the soil to get a firm grip on the land.
And what is really great about this season, is the peace in the understanding that in order for this process to succeed – I am not to do anything else.  No planting, no harvesting, not even tilling the land.  No weeding, no fertilizers, no additives.  Just sit back and grow, and rest.  Soak up the sunshine, settle into my place, rest.
There will be time for everything to be cut down, plowed over, planted, grow, fruit, harvest, prune, and begin again – but this is not that time.
In both the American, and from what I can tell so far – the British culture is one that glorifies busy.  And our spirituality is of course affected and influenced by our surrounding culture.  It is hard to feel comfortable with allowing a season to lie fallow.
When others, and even myself look at me with all the free time I have right now, and all the blessings I have in resources, talent, and security – it is hard to be okay with lying fallow.  I feel I have a responsibility to do things with everything I have.  How dare I not give of all that I have??
It is even difficult to write that and not accept guilt.  I feel a bit nervous about this, and pressure!
But I think this is very true for me, at this time.  It is a time for me to lie fallow, and draw strength for this next season (which I presume will begin in the fall when I return to the UK with my spousal visa.)  Then it will be a time for me to give of myself the way I love to do – the way I feel destined and designed to do.  I have this sense of expectation and anticipation of something big coming – but I don’t have a clue what it will be.
So I will be faithful and obey in this time of rest – and trust that when the time comes for the next season, this time will enable me to give more and better than I would otherwise have been able to do.

Yes.  I feel better now – clarity of direction, even if it is simply to stay where I am – brings a sense of peace with it, and a touch of authority.  It’s okay to do this – this is what I am supposed to do.

 

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My Sunday Morning

Well, here I am – stuck in Hong Kong for a probable extra 7+ weeks while the British government gets their act together and I can go to the UK — Chris is already there, starts work tomorrow.

But I’m actually allright. I mean, I would always rather be WITH my husband, but seriously – this is the best situation under the circumstances.

Actually, today I have the whole house to myself, and you know what?

I love it.

I’m dancing around and lip-syncing to works I don’t even know of Bob Dylan who somehow makes me feel at home, just taking care of me.  Quiet time for my soul, rock in roll for my body, a bit of chocolate cake for my tastebuds, rich conversations with my mother for my heart, and espresso for my brain – all while being here in a proverbial strange land.

Even made a gift for my mother-in-law, and have been chipping away at all this information the lawyer needs for my visa application (not sure how to get ahold of three months of bank statements…)  

And it is well with my soul.

I feel so complete, even in this time of unknowns, a time of expense, separation, and I suppose I just want to brag on God a bit for that.

Seriously, props Jesus – this faith and following your ways really are the best.  I feel so very, very right and sure of … well, I suppose Him.  Don’t know what anything else will be or do, but without even trying to think about Jesus or leaning of some vague recollection of a conglomerate of “comforting” scriptures and “promises” I just am … good.

Happy even – it’s true!  I feel so completely at home, I’m in my comfy torn up jeans, listening to folk-rock-protest music outside blogging, and not in the least concerned.

That has got to be what is meant by knowing that God has everything in control.  Seriously not fussed.  

I know typically that if you’re not fussed  you don’t think to sit down and write about it – that kind of appears like you’re trying to convince yourself and others that that is how you feel – but as no one follows or reads this blog, I assure all my imaginary audience (and more specifically me) that this is not the case.  I am just trying to record this moment of happy peace just me, my music, and my all powerful loving God.

It is well with my soul indeed.